Two months since my last post, I’m further down the rabbit hole that leads to my depression pit. The difference now is, I recognize it’s always going to be here, for me to fight off and be protected from. Or…sink, and wallow til I get help. It’s a hard reality to face and actually accept. It’s part of my world, and it’s one part of the RADICAL ACCEPTANCE I’ve done about a few things, finally.
I hoped to use my blog as a place to dump my inner thoughts and dreams, a place of light and positivity.
When those thoughts become dark, I hesitate to use the blog as my tool to dump that crap out and empty my head of the stuff that creates such crippling anxiety.
Why? Why do I do that?????
I’ve custom built this vehicle for ME to move thru these horrible ‘seasons’ I experience too frequently …. a safe place for me to write it ALL down, yet i hesitate. Or don’t do it at all for months.
So…here I am again. Trying to make a blog entry with some authenticity. But a little bit more enlightened about my own mental health challenges, and perhaps with a little more self love too.
I’ve been in the midst of scans and re-scans for the past few weeks, and I’m supposed to get a phone call today with the results. To say I’m terrified is an understatement, and I’ve used every tool in my toolcase to cope with my mounting fear.
I’ve done well til now….and this post is yet another distraction tool put into play. Maybe it’ll be the catalyst to get my a$$ in gear and write daily, doing what my original dreams had me doing all along.
My faith in God has grown so much thru my journey, and I am SO grateful to the church communities that I’m connected with, and who pray for me, and lift me up.
If I can stay focused on my Blessings, it brings me to the knowledge that I’m not alone, and He walks with me always. That’s how I get out of the black pit….He guides me out.
So……here I sit, waiting til 3pm, when I promised I would call them, if they didnt call me. Taking some action and power away from the anxiety. Only 66 minutes left…
Thanks be to God.💙🙏💙
