OK, somethings not right, and please Lord, help me figure it out!
Those were my last thoughts before finally falling asleep last nite. Full of anxiety, and having chewed most of my nails off and moved onto the surrounding skin….it was apparent and so obvious…. I’ve been triggered by something and hadn’t recognized it in time, to divert the outcome….how can this be happening now, when I’m at Dawdle Haven?????
Anxiety. I’ve lived with it ALL my life, and one of my earliest memories is being teased and called a worry wart. Even that caused panic, as I remember my tiny self checking over my body, looking for warts.
I’ve worked so hard to repair some of the damage this disorder has done to me. I’m still looking for ways to heal past traumas, while actively avoiding all current and future ones.
It is exhausting. And disheartening, when you find yourself back in that uncomfortable place, especially when you’re already physically in your ‘safe place’. Suddenly, things don’t feel safe any more. My fight/flight mode switch is turned on.. and all those old reactions and behaviors come back in full force.
Thus…the nail biting. The anxiety building up in my chest. At least now, I can stop the madness, and recognize what’s happening, and redirect my thoughts and actions to solving the puzzle, and slaying whatever dragon has snuck up behind me.
God answered my prayer last night, and, as this morning is moving along, He is making things clearer to me, even as I write these words.
He is here, with me, supporting and guiding me, and I can relax, knowing I’ll figure out what’s got my knickers in a knot.
God speaks to me thru my windchimes. There. I said it (well, wrote it) out loud, so it’s out there. It may make me sound crazy, but it’s why I brought them with me; and as I’ve written this post, they’ve woken up, gained momentum and are chiming very happily in this paradise of Dawdle Haven.
I think He approves of this post. Thanks be to God 🙏💙🙏
